The beloved Robin Williams has passed away.
I've never hoped so badly for a hoax in my entire life. I kept waiting for someone to say "guys, no, this isn't real". But then, as this popped up on the news and was confirmed by the police, my heart sank to my toes and into the ground and through the Earth.
Today, I'm not going to talk about his death. I'm not going to talk about how badly the United States needs to fix how they handle mental illness. These are issues, but this is not the time or place.
Today I'm going to talk about how Robin Williams saved my life, and why he was such a treasure to the world.
Everyone knew about Robin Williams' depression. We all knew that he had suffered. He never made it a secret. And that is part of what made him so great. In a time where people look down on you if you're ill, he spoke up and showed people that you're not a freak for being depressed. You're not a freak for having problems. People could look at him and go "Oh wow, I'm not alone!".
I'm scared to write this article. I'm scared that, well, people (my parents) will see this and they'll be devastated. But it's easier to write than to speak, so I guess I'll just say it.
There have been multiple times in my life when I have wanted to die. Where I have planned it, where I have curled up and cried over it.
One of Robin Williams' films helped save me. And that is part of why I am so upset about his death. This is part of why I get so mad when people say, "You've never met him so you shouldn't be crying". Even if I never met him, his work saved me. And everyone has the right to be sad. I have the right to be sad about a man's death, for goodness sake.
(Parents, I'm sorry if you see this. It's hard for me to admit this to you guys because I know you only want my happiness and I know you try very, very hard to make me happy. And I always appreciate and love your gestures. So please know that none of this was from anything you did. It was a mixture of my own illnesses and my personality in general. Please do me a favour and don't talk about this with me, though. If we tried to speak, I'd leave the room. I can't talk about this face to face. Only when I write can I really talk about this comfortably.)
I still have days where I think about what it would be like to die tomorrow. I think people would be lying if they didn't admit to at least one moment of this in their lives. And I also think it's true that the funniest, kindest people are usually the ones who are ripped apart inside and can't find happiness for themselves.
But, humour can save lives. And I'm glad Robin Williams could help save me, but I'm heartbroken that he couldn't save himself in the end.
(And I realize I didn't mention it earlier, but the movie that saved me was 'Patch Adams' of all things.)
Not only was Robin Williams able to educate people on the dangers of addiction and depression, but he genuinely did make people laugh.
Robin Williams was kind of like a big kid. I feel like, maybe in a way, he had more power than he knew what to do with. Maybe that was overwhelming at times. He just wanted to make people laugh, and suddenly it was like everyone in the world was watching him.
But with his jokes, how could we not look at him?
This scene, from Mrs. Doubtfire, was the first thing to honestly make me laugh after I heard the news. One of the upsides of this incident is that people are talking about him. We're all talking about our favourite scenes from his movies, and while this whole thing is a tragedy, it's also bringing laughter.
Almost every single person I know is falling apart from this news. Everyone is posting about it. Everyone is crying about it. Everyone is making memorial posts and beautiful photo collages and singing praise for him. And in a way, this is beautiful. Coming together like this is beautiful.
He was my childhood. He was my hero. He saved me. He was like any person; he had his problems. But he was also special because he took those problems, said "Fuck you", and tried to make people laugh anyway.
Rest in peace, Robin Williams. And I really hope that people respect his family during this awful time. (I'm especially worried for Zelda Williams - I enjoy her work and she seems like an incredibly nice person, so I hope she's relaxing and has friends and a good support system during this time.)
You're free, you're free, you're free.
xo, Kate
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